(no subject)

[imthepilot]

It's nearly a month standard before Bodhi can get a haul that leads him back to Eadu. There are too many other runs and too much going on. The Empire needs cargo and they need it everywhere.

Bodhi doesn't always get any say where he's sent. Even if it's the one place in the galaxy he least wants to be.

Jedha.

As much as he hates being wet. As much as he hate the load of Kyber in his hold. AS much as he wanted to just lock the doors and sleep, he is looking forward the being back on Eadu.

And he doesn't want to think too much about that.

About the fact Galen might be the only person in the galaxy who is expecting to see him. The only person who would notice if he didn't show up.

He calls ahead to the tower, radioing in his flight path and arrival time.

He has unpacking to do, he can find Galen once the work is done.

Do the job, move forwards.

Don't look back.

Comments

[galen_erso]

"Oh, Bodhi, I am so sorry," Galen says, reaching out to touch the pilot's elbow as if in support. "Where is that crate now?"

[imthepilot]

The touch makes Bodhi shudder, a little surprised by the human warmth of it. It feels like a long time since anyone touched him.

"On its was to the refinery, I suppose." He hates himself for the fact he's shaking. "I had to hose blood off the deck plates. The smell of it."

[galen_erso]

Galen keeps his steadying hand on Bodhi's elbow. "Would you like quarters inside for tonight, and help with scrubbing your deck tomorrow!"

[imthepilot]

"Thank you. Yes." He's hosed the worst of it out already. Eadu being abundant with water. But the scrubbing will wait. Somewhere away from the ship to sleep will help.

He covers Galen's hand with his own, feeling the deeply human warmth of it.

[galen_erso]

There is a table full of food between them, so all Galen can do is put his other hand on Bodhi's yet again.

[imthepilot]

Bodhi keeps his eyes low, soaking in this moment of comfort. He knows he's shaking and hates it. Hates the weakness of it. The cowardly desire to just break and weep.

All the things he had come here to distract himself from doing. "Will you- can I use your fresher?" He needs to pull himself together. He hates that he's broken down like this.

[galen_erso]

"Of course," Galen says. "If you need to."

He won't mind if Bodhi breaks down and needs comfort, but he won't drag the pilot's pain out into the open, either, if he'd rather keep it to himself.

[imthepilot]

Bodhi stands, meaning to wash his face and pull himself together. But he's shaking so badly.

[galen_erso]

Galen stands as well, concerned, and reaches out a steadying hand again.

The pilot had come this far, with the blood of his brothers or their friends on that crate; he distracted himself with food and Galen's company, but now has reached the end of his tether.

Galen silently chides himself for his blindness.

[imthepilot]

Bodhi clings to the taller man, only now realising how broad the scientist's shoulders are. Broad enough to bear Bodhi's weakness as well as whatever had been forced onto Galen already?

"I'm sorry. I'm not... I'm a brave man, I know that. I'm a coward. I don't know how to do this."

[galen_erso]

Galen holds him easily, as Bodhi is tall but slight, easily draped over his shoulder and held safely.

Galen feels a bit out of his depth, not having held anyone since Lyra and Jyn, but just goes forward with what seems right to him: hug the shaking man and stroke his back, giving him the silent permission to let go with strong, warm hands.

[imthepilot]

Bodhi clings for a long moment, taking Galen's embrace as permission to let himself feel. Stars! How long has it been since anyone held him? The last time he saw the girls? Two years at least, maybe more. He'd forgotten how it felt.

Eventually he pulls himself together, hating himself for having let go of Galen as he straightens. "I'm sorry. I didn't... this isn't why I came here tonight."

[galen_erso]

" it it's whatyouneed to might, after allthat happened, " Galen says. "We can be glad that we haven't gone nhmb."

[imthepilot]

"Sometimes I wonder if numb might be better." he sighs, distracting himself by pouring them both some mead. He offers a glass to Galen and drinks his own in a too fast gulp.

[galen_erso]

Galen takes hismead and sips.

"No," he says. "Never. I never want to lose.."

He gestures vaguely towards one of the children's drawings, showing figures labelled with names.

"I treasure the pain."

[imthepilot]

"They took them from you?" He asks softly, pouring another glass. They again has come to mean the Empire between them. The vast and dangerous other that looms over them both.

[galen_erso]

"Lyra, my wife, is dead," Galen says. "My little Jyn is safe. A rogue associate found her."

Rogue associate.

That may be the most dangerous admission yet. If Bodhi is some sort of emotional honey trap after all, he will pounce.

[imthepilot]

Bodhi's eyes widen, holding his breath.

He looks at Galen for a long moment before stepping away to sip his drink. When he does speak, his voice very soft. "I don't know whether to be relieved or worried. That I'm not the only one with people on the other side. Not that my brothers would acknowledge me. If they are still alive."

"Still, to know she's out there and safe." He nods. It's not much but it's hope.

He looks up at Galen slowly, his eyes still red. "How do you do it? Do this. When they took so much from you?"

[galen_erso]

"While I do what I'm supposed to, they have no reason to go out there and catch Jyn to force my compliance," Galen points out. "As long as I know that, I can put up with anything -- even the ache in my conscience."

Pause.

"Your brothers disowned you for choosing a living as a pilot over death as a -- bandit."

Or freedom fighter.

[imthepilot]

Galen's suffering cuts deep and Bodhi's heart aches for him. In a rare gesture, he reaches for Galen's hand, entwining their fingers.

"For being a traitor to Jedha, yes. And worse, for kidnapping my sisters and selling them to the empire. All because I helped them find work on a more stable world rather than see them suffer in the slums of a war zone."

[galen_erso]

Galen closes bis fingers around Bodhi's and holds them.

"It was worth it, for them."

Not a question.

He sighs.

"That's probably one of the most perfidious things about tyranny."

[imthepilot]

"No matter what we do, we're traitors to someone." He sighs, stepping closer to Galen, their hands still links. "And ourselves."

It wasn't a conscious decision, kissing Galen. It just... was.

[galen_erso]

Galen isn't surprised, his answering kiss soft and gentle and chaste, savouring the closeness, but not pushing further.

His eyes are open and deep. In this moment, the earnest warmth and sweetness of the young pilot finally touches his heart, and all the pain of their memories is suddenly suffused by a bright spark, a new hope.

[imthepilot]

Bodhi breaks the kiss softly, resting his forehead against Galen. He gives wry little sigh and shakes his head. "I feel like I should apologise but I would be lying. I'm not sorry I kissed you. And I'd rather like to do it again. If you okay with that."

[galen_erso]

Galen lifts his hand to stroke Bodhi's narrow cheek, then wordlessly tilts his chin forward to once more kiss him, gently and full of awe.