(no subject)

[imthepilot]

{From here}

Bodhi's still sitting on the grass when Galen comes out; thick, angry tears drying on his cheeks. There's a core of rage in his gut but it's impudent rage. Too much he can't control, can't fix. Too much he can't undo.

Comments

[galen_erso]

"They were with you when -- in Scarif, right?" Galen says. "Friendships like that are said to be sacred. It would be a pity if this one didn't even survive their disapproval of your lover. You brought them food, too."

He knows what that means to a Jedhan.

[imthepilot]

He nods. "They're the only other survivors of Jedha. I thought-" He cuts himself off.

And shrugs. "I'm not even sure it's their disapproval that bothers me. They're never going to understand anyone serving the Empire - against their will or to protect their families. I'm furious they beat you up but..."

He looks down at his hands. "They knew. I told them about us. And about how hard it was without you. They saw-" He swallows, glad his long sleeves cover his wrists. "They saw me at my lowest. And they never told me. I brought them food, sat outside the cell and talked. And all the while they knew you were here."

[galen_erso]

Galen just holds him, and listens.

"That is very cruel," he finally says. "Especially if they can't make the step in their minds from how they feel about each other to how you feel about me. To how you need me there."

That's not said boastfully, that's plain fact. Its painfully obvious how bad missing Galen had been for Bodhi, and Galen so wishes he could have been there sooner.

[imthepilot]

"You were my last thought." Bodhi breathes, hiding his face in Galen's shoulder. "I'm just glad you saw Jyn before-."

[galen_erso]

"Before I died?" Galen says. "Yes, so am I. And now, I'm here with you again. There will be a way for the Guardians​ and you to forgive each other. You are the last people here to remember NiJedha; you all lost your home to my -- to my monster, and my hesitation."

He is holding Bodhi close.

[imthepilot]

"You're not to blame, Galen. You did all you could. We both did. The worlds that fell before the Rebels could destroy the Death Star, it was Krennic and Tarkin. They're the ones with blood in their hands."

[galen_erso]

"Seems our best wasn't good enough for the Guardians," Galen says. "Even if they probably did their own best to help Jyn. To at least stop what I had done."

[imthepilot]

"To finish what you started." Bodhi corrects.

He hates this. But it needs to be said. Galen needs to know. "Galen. I'm sorry, but I need to tell you. Jyn, she died on Scarif. None of use made it out."

He braces Galen, knowing how this will hurt him. But better he hear it from Bodhi and not Guardians or the histories.

[galen_erso]

"Jyn??" Galen says. "My daughter? Died? But she wasn't even -- she had so much to give, she was so bright..."

Now he finally understands Bodhi's hesitations and past tenses. He should have realised.

"She died, and still it's not good enough for them!"

He clings to Bodhi, hiding his face in his lover's hair as the first, heavy sobs rack his broken ribs.

[imthepilot]

Bodhi holds Galen as best he can, trying to protect his lover from hurting himself more. He hates himself for this, for having to be the one to tell Galen.

Silent tears of his own fall. He hasn't mourned Jyn, or Kay, or Cassian, or any of the crew who fought and fell.

"They followed her into battle." He forces himself to say, because Galen needs to hear it. "Because she was strong. Because she was brave. And because she believed in you. She took up your torch and she gave the galaxy hope again. They well never forget her. No one will."

[galen_erso]

"But she could have lived, like a -- just like any person. She never had a chance for that," Galen sobs. "Great heroes make for cold homes."

He can't stop crying, even though it hurts like hell. He doesn't even think to turn up his painkillers.

[imthepilot]

Bodhi can't help but think of Galen's rooms on Eadu. Small and comfortable but cold. All the warm memories frozen in time.

He holds Galen close, reaching for the machine. It's not hard to work out which dial increases the painkillers.

[galen_erso]

They allow Galen to sob more freely, to cry himself out without a fight, and then stop.

"Thanks," he murmurs when he finds that he has his voice and his breath back. He is clinging to Bodhi, desperate and grateful.

[imthepilot]

"I'm sorry, Galen. I... You needed to know the truth."

There's a high little mew from behind them as Kyber comes storming across the lawn, Myrrh keeping him in check.

[galen_erso]

"No need to be..." Galen starts out, and then turns at the sound and stares.

"Are they animals?" he asks. "Domesticated ones? Or people?"

[imthepilot]

"Kyber!" Bodhi frees one hand to reach down, scooping the kitten up. "Thank you for watching him, Myrrh."

He sets Kyber on his knee and pets Myrrh, looking very pleased with herself.

"They're animals, intelligent ones. I think it would be far to say they domesticated people rather than the other way around." He scratches Myrrh's chin as Kyber investigates Galen's sleeve. "Myrrh took very good care of me when I was... when I was at my lowest."

[galen_erso]

"Kyber!" Galen says, with a watery little laugh. "His name is Kyber! Can I touch him?"

He needs to ask about that lowest point. But first, kitten!

[imthepilot]

"The children who gave him to me asked for a Jedhaen word. It was the first one I thought of."

Myrrh jumps up and perches on Bodhi's shoulder. "He loves to be scratched behind his ears but beware, he's very young. He tends to get playful and careless with his claws and teeth."

[galen_erso]

Very carefully and gently, Galen touches the little animal. "Such soft fur!" he whispers. "The black one is an adult specimen?"

[imthepilot]

"Myrrh's an adult, yes. And a female. She's been living here for many years. There are several cats living here, mostly at the forge."

[galen_erso]

"They are friendly animals," Galen says, reaching out to touch Myrrh. "These live with you?"

Pause.

"Us, really."

That makes him smile with sudden, unexpected happiness.

[imthepilot]

Us. One word. Like the sun coming out.

"Kyber does. He's only a baby so he's my responsibility. Myrrh is her own, she comes and goes as she pleases. Seems like she's agreed to help me with Kyber."

Myrrh mews an agreement and rubs her cheek against Galen's hand.

[galen_erso]

"What kind of food do they need?" Galen asks, petting Myrrh's ears. "And how often do we have to feed them?"

We. Yes, indeed.

[imthepilot]

"Kyber's still on milk and little bits of poultry cut up fine. Myrrh prefers fish and raw meats. But she's not fussy."

Little predator teeth are currently investigating the fingers of Galen's other hand. Myrrh ducks her head to lick salt off Bodhi's cheek and he nods, petting her reassuringly. "It's okay. They're not the same sort of tears as before."

[galen_erso]

Before. There it is again.

"What happened before?" Galen asks. "What was the lowest point which both the cat and the Guardians saw you at?"